The Four Qualities of Admirable People

“My Last Chapter: How it Changes My Perspective.”*

“Admirable people have four qualities:
They’re virtuous, generous, wise, and believe in the principle that
skillful qualities should be developed and unskillful qualities abandoned.”**

On Friday, 9th April I lost a dear friend.  “CC”’s death brought the nebulous concept of a last chapter into specific relief. I recognized that I am not merely looking towards, but actually settled into mea ultimo.  It is no longer our parents and their contemporaries who are developing dementia, aging rapidly, getting sick and dying – it is my generation.  And it is a truly bleak realization!

“CC” was quirky, and funny, and a straight-shooter, and thoughtful, and oh-so-kind, and gifted and wicked-smart and had the prettiest manners.  She was Dope!  “CC” was the all-important designer, planner, manager and caterer of two very important events in our lives; a retirement weekend and a wedding. We didn’t see each other very often, certainly not since the pandemic arrived, but there were regular e-mail exchanges – some lengthy and complicated, some short and sweet.  There were birthday and Christmas messages and countless words of encouragement.  She always swore she’d create the finest, most decadent soirée for the opening night of my first solo show at Victoria Hall – she was that confident in me.  She hated my swan photos but loved any images with bugs or wildflowers.  Or – especially – both.  

Ms. T. personified the four qualities of admirable people.  I admired and respected and liked and loved her dearly.  The time came for her to have peace.  I know she’s in a better place now, without illness and pain, feeling nothing but joy and love, but still, I shall always miss her loyal and devoted whimsy.

“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.”***

No regrets! To notice everything and have no regrets – that’s the biggest adjustment to my perspective in this final chapter. As Colette so famously penned, I am having a wonderful life; I need to pay attention to it, appreciate it and amplify it whenever possible.

According to Statistics Canada****, my life is three-quarters over; I have more summers, more birthdays and more Christmases behind me than ahead of me.  Yikesabee – however did that happen?  This is not to say that I feel that old (I don’t!!!), or that I’ve become morbid or morose (I’m not!!!), but it’s foolhardy to ignore the actuarial tables’ information.  

Almost without realizing it, I have altered my perspective. I want no regrets. I’m striving to achieve those four qualities of admirable people. I want to behave virtuously and generously. I’d like to become wise. I do believe in the principle of developing skillful qualities and abandoning the unskilled but it’s proving to be a lengthy process. It is a goal. It is motivation.

The biggest adjustment to my perspective is knowing I needed to cut myself some slack, give myself the permission to be perfectly imperfect.  I’m bumbling through life without a roadmap, without all the answers, making my fair share of mistakes but getting on with it, changing, growing and learning along the way.  Understanding that I don’t need to know everything about everything, indeed I never will.  The coming years are mea ultimo, but I’m not finished yet. 

Most of all, when I die and my friends reminisce about me, I want them to smile, giggle even.

‘Til next time, y’all…

*The third (and toughest) part of Dr. McEricher’s writing assignment this week.

**Thānissaro Bhikkhu, American Buddhist monk of the Thai Forest Tradition.

***Colette. Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette was a French author, journalist and actress. In 1948 she was a nominee for the Nobel Prize, Literature.

****In the latest report from Statistics Canada (April 2020), the average life expectancy for women in Canada is 84 years.

Forest images for a venerable Bhikkhu of the Thai Forest Tradition.